Time to Pretend
by Corazie
Summary: They all take time to pretend, to all imagine what their lives could have been, could possible be. They're fated to pretentd. Includes everyone S3. Language and drugs.
1. Chapter 1

**Time to Pretend**

An experiment on my part with songfics. I really wanted to do one. Not the usual multi-shot, but something a bit longer, a bit more complex.

Chapter One

_I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life.  
__Let's make some music, make some money, find some models for wives.  
__I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin, and fuck with the stars.  
__You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars..._

I'm living the dream, me. I'm on top of the fucking world, flying high. I do what I want, I do it when I want. Because I'm me, I'm Cook, and no one can tell me what to do. Yeah, I feel rough when I wake up in the mornings sober. But that doesn't happen often. I'm too smart for that, see? Keep on drinking until you fall down in to a drunken stupor and when you wake up drink some more. If you're never sober you can never be hungover. That's one lesson the ancients taught us.

I make my way in the world. I have fun, I have money, I have other things... Good things that keep me going, keep me happy and high. I've had this dream since forever.

I want to marry a model. No shit. That's where Effy came in. I mean, did you see her? She was the bomb. She had the looks. A fucking stunner. She could have been a model. Hell, she could be now for all I know. She's still mine you know. I'm here and she's where ever she is, but she's still mine.

I've just moved you know. To Paris. That's right, I channel hopped, one side to the other. One shitty city swapped for one fucking ace place. I can't speak French, but what does that matter? Everyone here speaks English anyway and can generally understand what I'm on about if they can't. The parties here are mad. Totally over the top. Everyone drinks and has a bit of this, a bit of that...

Have you ever chased the dragon? It's amazing. Once you're up you're on top of the world. You're a star. Everyone around you is a fucking star. Everything is so good. Everything glows with this sort of magic. And you have to gobble up all the magic before it's gone. Or someone else will get it, you see?

Last night I was a star, and so was she. I'm on about this girl who wants to be a model and an actress. She could do it too, she's fucking gorgeous. Dare I say it, she could be better than Effy. Well, she was when I was in that vapour trail of euphoria. This morning she's not better, but almost as good. She's blonde. Ha, who would've thought I'd go for a blonde! Long her down to her waist, eyes like pools of chocolate, she's what's left of the magic of heroin and I have to gobble her up, get her before someone else does.

At one of the parties I met this guy. He went to university with Effy's brother, knows a bit about her, all the shit. He's ace, a right one, good to know. He knows everyone and can get everywhere. He's pretty fucking rich too. Has this little island off the coast, only big enough for a house, and all these cars and I'm so fucking jealous. But he's been good to me and now we're close. We help each other out. He gets his money from that old white powdered gold if you were wondering. Cocaine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Time to Pretend**

Chapter Two

_This is our decision to live fast and die young,  
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.  
Yeah it's overwhelming, but what else can we do?  
Get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute?_

_Forget about our mothers and our friends.  
We were fated to pretend._

I fucked up big time. I mean, yeah I usually go over the top, go out of my way to fuck people over, destroy their lives, rip apart their emotions. But that's just me, it's who I am. I think... Maybe I'm just a silly little girl whose own life is so fucked up that she takes it out on everyone around her, uses it like a mask to hide behind. Because I'm just a silly little girl who's afraid to show everyone who she really is. I'm just a silly little girl who can't keep her knickers up.

I go out of my way to have fun. I mean, what consequences? I just have fun. I go to extremes. You know that saying; live fast, die young? That's me. I drag others in to it, but it's just me. The silly little girl who tried to grow up too soon and now misses her childhood.

I drink. A bottle of vodka might keep me happy, but two will make me very happy. I like to drink and drink and then dance. Close my eyes and sway to the music, hands in the air, just moving to the beat. Any music will do, I don't give a shit. I've even done my thing to classical music. The music is like magic. Just dance, baby. Sway to that sweet sound. Sometimes I'll drop a few, smoke something, it just depends what's going round. When I have stuff in my I'm floating. Suddenly the music _is_ me, I _am_ the music. We're one, me and the music. Lovers entwined in a tight embrace on a sticky dance floor.

That night, the one where I took it too far, I left. I had done something for which I could never be forgiven. Cook took me away. But that's not what I wanted. I just wanted to get away on my own. And I did. I went home and packed up and grabbed money and my car keys and I left. I was away on my own.

I live in a tiny little place now, nursing the heart I broke when I left. I left someone I secretly loved you see.

I work in an office. Everyday I travel for an hour on the bus in to town. Then I walk for twenty minutes to my office. Then I sit all day in front of a computer screen, typing up whatever I've found on my desk, messing around on the internet...

I'm not in contact with anyone from home now. You could say I've forgotten about them. My mother was pretty useless anyway. My friends, if you could call them that, all had their own reasons and motives for talking to me. Even the one I loved, I no longer give more than a passing thought, a lonely evennings obsession... A night long dream...

I wish.


End file.
